I’m fighting discouragement pretty hard today. Last night I collided with a guy toward the end of my soccer game. He was coming toward me with the ball and I was determined to get it from him. We were both moving fast, I planted my foot, my leg straightened, and that’s when we hit each other.
The pain was excruciating. I went down right away, terrified that this would redefine the rest of my life. For a few seconds I couldn’t move or think of anything other than how it felt. The initial pain subsided enough that I knew my knee hadn’t been knocked out of place (although if there had been even a little more pressure I’m convinced it would have). I told my team it was my left knee and managed to roll over and look up at the ring of concerned faces.
“Well, guys, I think I’m going to live,” I told them, to break the tension.
Two teammates helped me back to the bench and I unlaced my shoes. There were 6 minutes left in the game, and I knew I wouldn’t be playing anymore. I iced my knee and eased off my sock. No swelling or visible damage made me confused – and I could put weight on it. But then I tried to pivot, and pain shot through my leg. No, I wouldn’t get off that easy.
I decided to sleep on it before going to get it checked out, and it was worse this morning. I actually fell from the pain, and banged up my other leg (fail).
Several hours, a doctor exam and an X-ray later, I had confirmation of what I’d suspected after my not-even-close-to-professional self-diagnosis this morning: I tore my MCL (not that I knew what it was called), which is on the inside of the knee. Which is why it hurts to rotate my knee, even a little.
And the other verdict? No sports, no nothing for three weeks until my next appointment – and then we’ll see how things are. So I’m trying to fight the discouragement of summer without activity, trying not to think about how hard everything is going to be, from getting groceries to driving my stick shift car. And also having to make my way through life with this giant thing on my leg.
My goal is to work out my upper body to capitalize on those endorphins, and do other things – writing and other things I’ve been wanting to get done.
But it’s still hard, and all of these things require having a strong will to make it all work.
And if I’m being perfectly honest, right now I’m not sure I’ve got it.
It must be time for bed – most things feel better in the morning!