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New Year’s Resolutions 2017

It feels weird to type 2017. I’ve handwritten the year a couple of times today, but for some reason typing it feels strange. Ah well, there’s a lot of time to get used to it!

Here are this year’s resolutions.

New Year’s Resolutions 2017
Theme: DO. Do all the things. Make a plan and then do everything.

  • Continue decreasing impact on environment.
  • Be on time.
  • Celebrate birthdays.
  • Celebrate life. Make traditions.
  • Buy used or local things.
  • Connect with the people I care about.
  • Create often
  • Start selling something.
  • Make $$ freelancing/writing
  • Make a new dish every month.
  • Track all spending, all year.
  • Recover savings & resume investing.
  • Yoga 3x / week
  • Read two books/month (one fiction, one non)
  • French! Level up again!

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Late night thoughts

I’m doing the night owl thing again. It’s almost 1 am (and probably will be much later by the time I post) and I’m not sleepy. Maybe I will be soon. It’s really not all that late.

But there are a million thoughts on my mind. All the things I want to do are weighing me down, like boxes that need to be opened and explored. I’m carrying dozens of them, and they’re all heavy, but I can’t open them all at once. And I need specific tools to open some of them. Others require tools I haven’t even heard of and don’t know how to find or use.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not giving up, but sometimes life seems overwhelming, and even more so lately because I’ve started to realize how short it really is. I just feel the days ticking away, every one a gift I can’t ever get back, and my mind is screaming, DON’T WASTE TIME!

But I don’t know what I want to do. I’m stuck. Because here’s the thing about life.

It’s not a maze or a mess, like some people say. It is nothing more than a series of crossroads. With every choice you make, you take a few steps down that road and then are presented with another crossroad, another chance to choose left or right. But here’s the terrifying thing: for every time you choose to go left instead of right, you’re not just saying no to the path on your right. Oh no, you’re saying not to that one, and to the dozens, if not hundreds, of options that path would have eventually presented you with. So that’s why you need to take your decisions seriously, and why I’m absolutely terrified to do the wrong thing. Choices like taking a job or who you decide to be with are incredibly weighty. Their future options are almost unlimited.

Sorry if that’s a little deep for daytime hours. But the term ‘analysis paralysis’ doesn’t quite cover WHY people might struggle to make a move.

How have you helped yourself deal with the stress of life decisions, or of knowing what you want in life?

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Nerves are good for you

… right?!

Tomorrow I’m doing an audition and I’m super nervous about it! It’s crazy cause I’m not usually one to get nervous about things. I mean, I do, but not unit right before I start. I like public speaking, and doing theatre tends to bring about more excitement than nerves. But ahhh! I’m so nervous.

Reason tells me that there’s no point in getting worked up. Either I’ll be well-suited for a part or I won’t be, and I know there’s no point in thinking about it and worrying about it now. (To be clear, I’m really not worrying; I’m just nervous, mostly because I’m not exactly sure what to expect. Worrying is something else entirely.)

But as anyone who’s ever been nervous is well aware, reason has nothing to do with how you feel. These nerves are in the ‘fear of the unknown’ category, and that’s okay. The important thing is not letting my fear get in the way of doing something I really want to do – and I admit, the thought crossed my mind that maybe I shouldn’t go to this audition. Maybe I really don’t know what I’m doing and should keep myself in the director/producer/stage manager chair.

Stop. right. there.

That is an unacceptable train of thought to be on. If you catch yourself on it, please take a full stop and toss some dynamite onto the tracks. You don’t need to be on that train.

Sure, life is scary, but we both know that new situations are what helps us grow. Doing the same thing over and over in the same way does not make you a better person. It can work against you, not just stagnate growth but cause you to regress. If you catch yourself trying to cop out on something because you’re afraid, don’t buy in. There are a few tactics you can use to get back on track. Figure out which one works for you and use it!

Fortunately for me, my desire to give this a shot is a lot stronger than my fear of what it means to actually give it a shot. I talked myself off the “maybe I shouldn’t do it” train pretty fast. Your story might be different, and mine will be different the next time I’m afraid to do something. Maybe I won’t get this part. Maybe that’ll make it harder to audition next time. But the act of going out and trying makes me stronger either way. I’m not just going for an audition, I’m facing something I’m scared of doing and telling my fear to shut up.

Like I just texted to a friend, “Either way, I’m doing something I haven’t before, so I win.”

That’s right. So go out and face your fear too. Make yourself a winner. We’ve got this!