It has been 5 weeks and 2 days since we broke up. I feel like a broken record (or for you kids out there, a jammed CD, or a … something that says the same thing over and over. Maybe your mom telling you to clean your room). I feel like I’m recycling emotions, going up and down and around in a circle, only to wind up back where I started.
And I also feel like I’ve run out of the amount of time in which it’s okay for me to cry to other people, or express the same sadness for yet another time. I mean, everyone has heard it already!
Finding distraction is the new greatest thing. The Winnipeg Fringe Festival just ended and it was a fantastic 10-day distraction. I’ve hardly slept, hardly been at home, and didn’t eat a proper meal for probably a week – but it was fun and an adventure and a great chance to spend time with other creative people. Don’t worry, I’m (mostly) back to normal, if a little sleep-deprived.
My efforts to eat regularly have been somewhat undermined by the Fringe, but I have been eating on a regular basis and whenever I’m hungry, so that’s a win.
Step 2 is to get this body of mine moving again, and it’s already underway. I’ve been playing soccer and dodgeball, have gone to the gym a couple of times, have even taken myself out for a run (as you may know), and yesterday I booked myself up for a year-long membership at my old martial arts gym – something I’ve been looking forward to for quite some time. (I mentioned this in my goals post at the beginning of the year.)
So what’s this little mini, on-the-road-to-recovery goal? I think I’m going straight back to my new year’s resolution: get my body moving 3x a week. And I don’t think biking to work is going to count. Eventually I’d like to exercise generally every day, and for that biking to work would count as it elevates my heart rate. But for 3x/week it’s gotta be BIGGER: sports or a deliberate workout.
I already feel more inspired and driven, just writing this post. I promise to get back to my usual style of writing soon (you know, with subject matter of anything other than my breakup and ongoing recovery). My interest in money/finance is coming back, as is my need to create things – so get ready for some inspiration sometime in the future. (No promises yet on timeline.)
This is a process. I had several great days in a row, and then I cried last night when I went to bed. And I think that’s okay. you’re allowed to take a step back, as long as you take two steps forward next time. Doesn’t have to be fast, doesn’t have to be pretty, just keep on moving in the right direction.