Health, fitness, communications, and everything in between!

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Thoughts are sometimes heavy

I was setting my phone up in the hands-free holder as this man walked toward me. He was clearly homeless or living in poverty, and he was bigger than me and I was alone.

He walked almost in front of the car – was he blocking me in? – then made his way to my open window. Two feet from me, and no one was around.

“Do you harrr amm hmm?”

I couldn’t understand him, but it was clear what he was looking for.

“I’m sorry,” I told him. “I don’t have anything on me.”

I lied.

I did have money on me, including a reasonable amount of cash. I could have given him change.

But fear for my own safety mixed with worry about giving him money he could use for further self-harm, and I didn’t.

As he walked away, I thought again about how life isn’t fair. It’s a thought that comes to me often. I don’t have to fight against racism or generations of addition and abuse. He probably does, and based on our interaction today, right now it looks like he’s losing.

As he walked away, I felt a lot of things. Guilt for being afraid. Confusion about how the world can be so breathtakingly gorgeous but still hold so much pain. And a lot of sadness because things are hard for him, and even though I care, I didn’t help.

I know there are a lot of layers to homelessness, poverty, and addictions. There’s way more to it than I understand. But people are still people, and I need to do more. WE need to do more.

*I posted this on my Facebook a few days ago. Several people commented on it saying I shouldn’t feel guilty for putting safety first, and I don’t really. It’s just one of a number of feelings this encounter up for me. And I do think we should do more. 


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New recipe: Slow Cooker Nacho Soup (January)

So far my resolutions are off to a great start!

The new recipe I tried for January is Slow Cooker Nacho Soup, and it is pretty tasty. Next time I would add jalapeños because there isn’t any real kick to it, but the flavour is good. The chips are great as a garnish.

I think this could also be a good summer soup, served hot or cold. Might just have to give it another shot in the summer months.

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Make your move

My problem has always been dreaming, thinking, instead of doing. I’m an idea person in life – the best of intentions, the worst follow-through.

There’s a lot of guilt that comes with being this type of person, a huge sense of wasted opportunity and chances. Days go by feeling like things “should” be happening, but they aren’t, because I’m not making them happen.

I’ve long suspected I’m missing something: some productivity secret, some bit of knowledge, that would help make this easier. The truth is, though, that there isn’t any secret. Either you do things or you don’t. There are tricks along the way that will help make you happier, richer, more productive, sure. But your secrets might be different than mine, and the secret to all the other secrets is to get your ass in gear and make a move.

So this year, I’m going to make a move. I’m going to make a lot of moves. And I can’t wait. Everything in me has been wanting this for forever.